Bald and Free!

Something I forgot in the last post that my mom reminded me of... When the nurse was pushing in the bone marrow she was pushing SO hard. And my central line was pushing back hard, too. Finally, there was so much pressure the huge syringe cracked. Marrow spewed up into the air and splattered across the ceiling, onto me, and onto my bed! The nurse stood there in shock. They apologized profusely and said that had never happened before. We just laughed and laughed. It was hilarious! But now back to the story...

Vomiting. Oh so much vomiting. But also hair. Little bits of hair. It was slowly falling out. Every morning I would wake up and find strands of my hair all over the pillow. I had it cut to my shoulders right before I got the transplant in order to donate it to Locks of Love. So at least it was short strands! But after only a few nights of this, I was like "Get this shit off my head". I had had enough.

Now I thought this was going to be an exciting experience! I wanted to make a party out of it! So I was going to have Mercedes buzz off my hair while my parents and sisters (Carina and Brandan over iChat) watched and cheered on. Of course, they humored me. I had the "I'm sick so I get what I want" powers. So Mercedes happily shaved my head as everyone smiled and nodded along with me. It wasn't until years later that I found out that it was kind of a horrible experience for Merce! I had no idea! I mean, of course she wouldn't like shaving off her little sister's hair. She did it for me, but I don't think she enjoyed it which is completely understandable.

So around Day 10 (10 days after getting the transplant, 20 days in the hospital including the pre-transplant chemo), I started going "Hey!... Hey docs!... Hey docs let me out of here!". I was ready to get out of my confinement chambers. 20 days in one room (with marrow on the ceiling!). I wasn't allowed leave it since I had no immune system and could catch whatever little bug was floating around. I was clawing at the walls! Around Day 13 they said "soon". The next day "really soon". Finally, on Day 15, they said I could go! I was so excited. Not only was I going to be released to go home to Mercedes' house, but I also had the record for quickest release from the hospital after a BMT. The next best was 18 days. And I shattered that record! Most people have to stay about 30 days post transplant at least. I think I may be too competitive. But that's okay because I won! :)

So here's Mercedes again... I figured I put her through shaving my hair off so I should at least let her talk about it!


There are few things more difficult for me than shaving my sister's head. For anyone who knows gena, she is absolutely stunning, and she had the most beautiful hair before her transplant (it has since grown back, thank goodness!). Watching her lose it in small clumps was painful to see, but when she asked me to shave her head, I felt like I'd been stabbed in the gut. I understood her motives to just get it over with, but I felt like I was stripping her of her femininity and more importantly, her identity. As a doctor, I see lots of people with bald heads from various chemo treatments, and to be honest they often look very similar. I did not want my sister to fall into that category in my head, and I think shaving her made me see her in a different light- a little less like a sister, more like a patient. I think this also forced me to realize how sick she really was. Gena has an uncanny ability to present herself as less ill than she truly is, whether its her incredible pain tolerance, determination, or unflagging optimism. And I think my family would go along with it, because we really really wanted to believe that she wasn't as sick as she really was. And for me, shaving her head removed one of her layers of defense, making her seem more vulnerable. 

Furthermore, with a platelet count of zero, I was terrified of nicking her and causing her to bleed! Luckily it turns out they are smarter than that and only let you use a "safe" razor that was less likely to cut her. Phew. 

On the upside, if anyone can pull off bald, it is Genevieve. She of course looked beautiful and handled the transformation with more grace and dignity than anyone else I know.